So Complicated
by shadows59
Summary: Part 2 of Finding Heaven. Can Buffy save Xander and Anya after their disastrous wedding while she tries to deal with her growing feelings for both?
1. Chapter 1

Title: So Complicated

By: Shadows59

Summary: Sequel to Finding Heaven. Can Buffy save Xander and Anya after their disastrous wedding while she tries to deal with her growing feelings for both?

Category: X/Ay, B/X/Ay

Rating: PG-13.

Feedback: Sure, it's been a while since I've been burned at a stake ; )

Spoilers: Major changes after Tabla Rosa, but the wedding goes pretty much as shown in Hells Bells.

Disclaimer: Owned by Joss, Fox and UPN, who are all determined to keep their

characters from having one good day.

It all started just a few weeks after Anya's confrontation with Buffy at the Bronze, while Buffy was still trying to put her life back together.

It was their normal Thursday night, movie night. After all, nothing happened on Thursdays. No one tried to destroy the world, go on a killing spree, or kidnap Dawn. Heck, if there were something good on TV it would be the best day of the week. So that was the night they had their video club. It was either that or a book club, and Buffy just shuddered at that thought.

When Buffy first suggested a video club Xander and Anya burst out laughing. Even Tara had that little half-smile she always got whenever Xander told a good joke. The only one who didn't laugh was Willow. She just sat in the corner and grumbled for a while. When Buffy asked what was so funny Xander just said you had to be there.

Willow didn't go to most of the video nights. Tara was sleeping on Xander's couch until she could move back into the dorms, so Willow kept her distance. Buffy and Xander would have felt worse about leaving her out, but Willow spent most of her free time with Amy now. Of course that only made Tara feel worse, which made Willow spend more time away with Amy, which made Tara feel worse and so on until Buffy thought her head was going to explode.

Spike was also keeping his distance, at least from Buffy. It took a while but he finally figured out that their one and only kiss was a mistake. It did hurt Buffy a bit, he had been there for her when she needed someone to talk to. Not that she ever let on, of course. But he wasn't completely gone, he spent more of his time with Dawn now. Xander said he was acting a lot more like he did with during the summer, helping fight the demons and hanging out with the gang.

But tonight there wasn't any of the usual drama. Spike had somehow convinced Tara and Dawn to go with him to see a reshowing of Nosferatu, which he called a bloody laugh riot. And Amy and Willow were out having a magic free night at the Bronze. Willow's car accident had scared both witches more than they let on and neither had done anything more than levitate a pencil since then.

So it was just Buffy hanging out with Xander and Anya. They were all in casual clothes, Xander in khakis and a Hawaiian shirt, Anya wore a long green skirt and gold top while Buffy wore jeans and an off the shoulder blouse which would be a death sentence for anyone in Sunnydale who wasn't a Vampire Slayer.

"So what did my two favorite girls do at work today?" Xander asked as he walked in from the kitchen carrying a huge bowl of popcorn. He put the bowl down on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch between Anya and Buffy, who scooted over to the ends of the couch to give him more room.

"We had a very profitable day," Anya said with what Buffy long ago labeled the Capitalist Superiority smile.

"That's easy for you to say," Buffy interrupted as rubbed her sore shoulder. "You weren't the one who had to lift a box of B'Loxiann horns."

"You're the one with the Slayer strength."

"Good thing too. What are those horns made out of, lead?"

"Of course. You can't summon minor demons with plastic, you know."

"No. That would be too easy," Buffy grumbled as she tried to rub out the stubborn knots in her muscles, but they were just a bit too low on her back for her to reach.

"Here, let me help." Xander said as he got to his feet and cracked his knuckles.

"Oh. No, I'm fine, thanks anyway," Buffy said as she tried to wave him off, but Anya grabbed her arm and gently pulled her over to the middle of the couch.

"Let him help. He's very good at massages," Anya said.

"Well," Buffy began to protest again when all the muscles in her back and shoulders decided to that they'd had enough of working together and wanted to see what would happen if they all did their own thing. Needless to say, it didn't work out well. "All right," she said through gritted teeth.

"Good. I'll have you know my hands are very skilled," Xander said as he gently turned Buffy so that he could stand behind her.

"I'm not even going to ask why."

"A master never reveals his secrets." Xander knelt down on the cushion behind her and went to work. Then he got to the first knot in her shoulder. "Damn, Buffy. I'm surprised you can still sit up."

"It's not too bad," Buffy said between gasps of pain.

"You should have given her a hand," Xander told Anya, who had the grace to look sheepish.

"I didn't think they were that heavy. After all, Giles was the one who put them up there."

"Giles did it?" Buffy's eyes went wide. The horns were on the top shelf, Buffy had to get the ladder just to reach them. "How?" She had visions of finding the Englishman dead on the ground buried under a pile of those damned icons.

"Well, I can't be sure but I think he put the horns in the box one at a time," Anya admitted.

"Anya!" Buffy and Xander shouted together.

"She's the Slayer." Anya's eyes were on the floor. "I thought she could do it."

"As much as I appreciate the vote of confidence… Just a bit to the right, Xander..." Buffy said and moaned as Xander rubbed out the largest knot in the back. "Oh, God. You are good."

"We have some heating oil in the bathroom if you'd like to try some. It makes the massages almost worth dying for," Anya said, both to be helpful and to worm her way out of this mess.

"Maybe next time, and there is going to be an next time, Xand. I can't believe I almost bought one of those portable massaging machines," Buffy said with a very happy sigh.

"I live to serve," Xander said and gave her a small bow.

"So, does this mean I'm not in trouble?" Anya asked and sounded very contrite.

"Oh no. You don't get off that easy," Buffy said. "I think you just made me a communist."

Anya went deathly pale while Xander grinned and took his hands off Buffy's shoulders. "Right, death to the Bourgeois!"

"You two had better be kidding," Anya warned. "Communism is no joking matter. The exchange of money for goods and services has been very kind to both of you."

"I don't know. Is there anything here we could use to make a red flag, Xander?"

Xander pretended to think about it for a minute, and then he snapped his fingers. "Well, there is that dress Anya has in her closet."

"You wouldn't dare," Anya hissed. "That dress cost me two hundred…"

"That red Cocktail dress? That's be perfect," Buffy's cut her off and stood up.

"I'll show you where it is," Xander said and held his hand out to Buffy.

"Lead on," Buffy said and took his hand. They didn't make it two steps before Anya retaliated.

Anya grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it at Buffy. "Red swine!"

Buffy giggled as she ducked under the flying snacks. Then she scooped up a ladybug shaped pillow and threw it at Anya. "Capitalist Pig!"

Buffy's aim was perfect and the pillow hit Anya square in the face. Anya's face turned almost as red as the pillow, which she scooped up as she jumped to her feet. "Stalinist thug!" She shouted threw the pillow back at Buffy. Buffy ducked and the pillow hit Xander in the stomach.

Buffy looked back at Xander, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Viva la Revolution!" He shouted and ran around the couch to catch Anya, but she was too quick for him,

Anya dashed around to the back of the couch. "Xander, you're supposed to be on my side!" She shouted in between giggles as she tried to keep the couch between her and her two friends.

"Sorry, Ahn. We workers have to stick together," he said and raised his hand to Buffy.

Buffy high-five him. "Damn right." With that Buffy and Xander started to slowly circle the couch.

Anya circled around the couch just as slowly. She knew it was her only defense. She spared a second to glance at the front door, but she knew she'd never be able to out run Buffy. "We could settle this with a peaceful Cold War?" Anya offered.

"You might be right. We could build a wall out of cushions." While Buffy was talking she glanced at Xander and nodded her head to the right. Xander's smile somehow managed to grow even bigger as he nodded back.

"Sure, we can do that and go back to watching videos," Anya said and stuck her hand out. "Truce?"

"Power to the people," Xander shouted suddenly and dashed around the right arm of the couch while Buffy went around the left. Anya squealed and tried to run away, but it was too late. Xander wrapped his arms around her stomach and wrestled her back down onto the couch. Anya tried to squirm out of his grip, but Buffy grabbed her legs and helped Xander pin her down.

"Say employees are valuable," Xander taunted.

"No!" Anya said and tried to push Xander off, but Xander just grabbed her hands and pinned them down over her head.

"I think we're going to have to do something drastic to convince her, Buff," Xander said over his shoulder.

"Like what?" Buffy asked with the innocence of an angel, but her grin was pure evil. She knew what was coming.

Anya did too. She started squirming even harder even though she knew she didn't have a chance. "You wouldn't!"

"That just sounds like a challenge," Buffy told Xander.

"Well, I've always liked a challenge," Xander replied. "This is your last chance, Ahn."

"No!" Anya shouted and closed her eyes to prepare herself.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Xander said. His hands moved like a shot from holding Anya's hands down to her ribs and started tickling.

"XANDER!" Anya shouted and started giggling helplessly. "Buffy, HELP!" She pleaded as she swatted at Xander's chest.

"Sorry, Anya. You had you're chance," Buffy said as she struggled to hold down Anya's kicking legs.

"Just say it," Xander taunted as he sped up his tickling.

Anya tried to roll away, but she was pinned down too well. So she held out as long as she could, which was a good thirty seconds. "Fine! Employees are valuable!"

Xander stopped tickling, but didn't let her up yet. "Now tell Buffy you're sorry."

Anya wiped tears off her bright red face and didn't say anything until she felt Xander's fingers move down to her ribs again. "I'm sorry, Buffy!"

"Apology accepted," Buffy said and let Anya's legs go and stood up to give the ex-demon room to get up.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Xander asked and Anya stuck her tongue out at him. He copied her and started to stand up, but Anya's hands moved like lightening. She grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him down to her lips.

Buffy stood and watched what had to be the hottest kiss she'd ever seen. It was clear that they had both forgotten she was there. Then she heard Anya moan and Buffy wondered where Xander's other hand had gotten too. A part of her knew she shouldn't stare, but the rest of her called that part names and watched.

"You're going to pay for that tonight," Anya whispered when she finally let Xander go.

"I love a challenge," Xander grinned and gave Anya another quick peck on the lips. Then he turned and looked at Buffy, who finally turned red and looked away. "Sorry about that Buff. Give me two minutes to clean up and we can start… What did you rent, Ahn?"

"Godzilla."

"American or Japanese?" Buffy asked as she forced herself to calm down.

"Japanese. I swear I've met him before," Anya said as she sat up and straightened her skirt.

"You couldn't have, Ahn. It's just a guy in a suit," Xander said. Then he looked around the room at the thrown popcorn and scattered pillows. "This is why we don't talk politics," he said quietly and mimed a tear.

Buffy rolled her eyes and knelt down to help Xander pick up the loose kernels. Then she felt Anya's eyes on her. When she looked up Anya was watching her like a bird watches a snake.

"You're going to pay for that, too, you know," Anya said, he voice was hot.

Buffy swallowed hard to get red off the sudden swarm of butterflies that had sprung up in her stomach. "Oh?" She squeaked out.

"Yes. I think two days of inventory should teach you you're lesson."

"Oh."

"Anya," Xander warned and held up the ladybug pillow.

"All right. I'll help," Anya said with a sigh.

"Is that good enough for you, Buffy?" Xander asked and waved the pillow.

"Yeah. It's still better than working at the Doublemeat Palace."

"Anything's better than working fast food," Xander said as he put the pillow back down on the couch. "I can't believe you wanted to work there."

Buffy shrugged as she sat back down in the middle of the couch. "Needed money."

"Not that bad. Besides you knew Anya needed help with the shop since Giles left."

"Did not," Anya said. "I can handle the store perfectly well on my own." Her tone softened when she saw Buffy look down and Anya patted her on the shoulder. "But you have been a big help. Did she tell you how she caught that shoplifter?"

Xander nodded and sat down on the other side of Buffy. "At least twice."

"I'm glad to help, just as long as there aren't any mummy hands."

"No. We're a mummy hand free establishment," Anya promised.

"You're just saying that because the last one got loose and tried to empty out the cash register," Xander pointed out.

"Nothing's worse than a peasant hand," Anya muttered. "Aren't even worth burning."

"Good to know, in an I've never felt sorry for the mummy before kind of way," Xander said and quickly grabbed the remote. "So, who's ready for some badly dubbed fun?" With that he started the movie.

"I sure wish that all I had to fight were guys in rubber suits," Buffy said fifteen minutes into the movie.

"But what fun would it be?" Xander pointed out. "Besides, most demons don't have half the soul Godzilla has. There's a poet in those beady eyes."

They all fell asleep halfway through the movie, just before Godzilla could really sink his teeth into Tokyo. Buffy woke up right after the tape ended. She yawned and started to stretch, but her arms were pinned down. She turned and saw Xander's head leaning on one shoulder and Anya's on the other. She knew that she should wake them up and send them to bed, but for the first time since her mother had died she felt safe and comfortable, even if there was a slight drool issue. But if she could deal with digging out of her own grave she could deal with that. So she turned off the television and went back to sleep.

The next step was much larger, even if she was, quite literally, the only one who saw it.

"How does that look," the hairstylist asked Buffy as she turned the chair so Buffy could see herself in the mirror.

Buffy looked at her reflection one way, then another. Her hair was shorter than it had ever been before, it didn't even reach her shoulders, but it looked good. She'd almost told the girl to dye it blonde again until she remembered how Anya's had been burned platinum when she stopped at this salon.

"Looks good," Buffy said and smiled.

"Oh good," the teenage girl said as she waved the scissors she still had in her hand back and forth. "The boss's really been breathing down my neck after I botched that dye job last month."

And that made Buffy feel even better about staying a brunette. "You might want to keep that out of your sales pitch."

"Oh, right," the girl said and giggled nervously as she glanced over her shoulder at the other hairdresser, who was four seats down.

Her boss, Buffy guessed as she smiled back, paid and left the salon as fast as she could. Anya had actually given her a day off and she was determined to stay away from any weirdness and enjoy it. Of course that didn't mean the weirdness would leave her alone.

Her attention was divided between watching for traffic and the obnoxious social worker she'd dealt with that morning. That woman had been determined to find something wrong with the way she was dealing with Dawn. "Thank God Anya gave me a job," she muttered.

She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't react when the first two lightening bolts crossed in front of her. One hit a fire hydrant and the other one of those orange traffic cones. Buffy just started to dodge when a third lightening bolt flashed and hit her square in the chest.

She closed her eyes and waited for the pain, but it never came. Instead a tingle passed through her entire body then faded away. "That's odd," she muttered to herself and held up her hand, but she didn't see anything.

"Oh, boy."

Buffy ran to the Magic Box, but when she got there the shop was locked and there was a crude 'back in twenty minutes' sign taped to the door. "Anya closed up in the middle of the day? That's so not good," Buffy said to herself as she dug out her keys.

Anya made a key for Buffy. "There's no reason you can't come in and do some work on your own initiative. Like maybe after a dull night of patrolling," Anya had explained at the time.

"Anybody here?" Buffy said as she walked into the dark shop. She heard two voices, both coming from the back of the store, and followed them into the training room.

"Xander, Anya? You guys aren't…" Her voice died when she walked into the room.

There was a pile of clothes in the corner. "What's?" Buffy began and looked up, only to see all there was to see of her two friends. They were lying on one of the training mats, obviously in the middle of something. "I thought I heard Buffy," Xander said and pushed himself up. "Buffy?" He called out as he looked around, but he didn't see anything.

Buffy stood frozen. She knew she should say something, but she couldn't even squeak out a response.

"You're just hearing things. It's not like we haven't done it back here before," Anya pointed out. Buffy tried to ignore the mental images, but all she had to replace them with was reality. Xander didn't look convinced. "I gave her the day off," Anya murmured as she ran her hands through his hair. "She went to get a haircut and tonight her and Tara are going to help me with the wedding. Now, get back down here. You still owe me for the other night."

"Yes dear," Xander said with a grin as he went back to what he was doing.

Buffy knew she should go, but she didn't move. She realized two things while she watched them. The first was that Anya hadn't been lying in all her stories after all. The second was that what they were doing seemed so different from everything Buffy had experienced. There wasn't any of the frantic sex like she had had with Riley, when she thought that if she made love to him she could make herself love him. It also didn't have the desperation of her time with Parker. What it reminded her most of was her one and only time with Angel, with the gentle caresses and soft kisses.

Then Buffy realized what was different. She was watching two people who were really, truly in love. Then she blinked and found herself just a couple of steps away from her two friends, with her hand almost touching Xander's bare back. It was in that second she knew what she wanted. It cost her almost everything she had to walk away.

It was almost forty minutes later when Xander and Anya finally stepped out of the back room. Both were flushed and had the goofiest smiles on their faces. Buffy fought off a wave of shame as she stood up and went to the door.

Xander and Anya stopped immediately to stare at the self-opening door, and then Xander jumped over to where the weapons were stored. "Anya, get behind the counter!" He ordered. Anya nodded and ran.

"Don't worry, Xander. It's just little ol' me," Buffy said as she closed the door and walked up to them. Of course when she saw them, she flashed back to what she saw in the training room.

Xander sighed in relief, which was followed by a look of confusion as he looked around. "Not funny, Buff. Where are you?"

"Right here," Buffy said, then slapped her head when she remembered. "I'm the Amazing See Through Girl."

"What, how?" Anya asked as she slowly walked over to the counter and did her best not to look panicky.

Xander held his hands up and started to walk towards where Buffy's voice was coming from. "Have you been feeling ignored lately, Buffy?"

'No. I've felt like I've come home,' Buffy thought, but out loud she said, "Maybe a little." Then she realized where Xander's hands were heading. "Xander!" She shouted as he accidentally felt her up and her entire body shuddered.

Xander jumped backwards while Anya gave him a quick glare. "Maybe you could help us out?" Anya suggested.

"Hold on a sec," she said and looked around for something to hold up. She settled on two juggling balls. "How's this?" She asked as she started tossing the balls into the air.

"Better," Xander said. "Creepy, but better. Now, what happened."

"I don't know, but…" Buffy began.

Buffy stopped by her house for a change of clothes and a bite to eat while Xander questioned Willow and Amy and Anya hunted for clues. She was fishing through the refrigerator when Dawn walked in the back door. "Hey, Dawnie."

"Buffy?" Dawn said and almost jumped out of her skin. "Where are you?"

"Right here," Buffy said, then smacked herself on the forehead again.

"Right where?" Dawn asked.

"Here. Look, two UFP's. Unidentified flying pizza's," Buffy said as she held up two pizza boxes.

"So you're invisible now?" Dawn asked with fireworks in her eyes. "Man, that's so cool. Can I go to the salon you went too?"

"No. Besides, I don't think that the hairstylist had anything to do with it."

"Couldn't I at least try?" Dawn pleaded.

"No."

"You get to have all the fun," Dawn pouted, but it didn't last long. "So have you done anything interesting?"

Buffy blushed and was glad that Dawn couldn't see that. "Nothing much, why?"

Needless to say, Willow managed to find who had made Buffy invisible. Buffy just couldn't picture Jonathan as a bad guy. Even Warren was a bit of a stretch. She couldn't even call him a pervert without feeling like a complete hypocrite. That feeling was only made worse when Xander and Anya fell for her little lie. After that Buffy barely spent a moment alone, and she loved every minute of it.

"Here, you want to try?" Xander asked as he held the sander.

"What if I screw it up?" Buffy asked as she took the tool and looked down at the new coffee table Xander was building for her. It was beautiful, with carefully cut edgework and carved legs. She had no idea he had gotten this good at carpentry.

Xander just smiled. "Then I'll make you another one."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Buffy chewed on her lip for a second and finally nodded. "All right. What do I do?"

"We just need to smooth out the top, so you just want to press down lightly. Like this." With that he put his hand on top of hers and her breath caught. He gently moved her hand and the sander back and forth over the tabletop a few times, then let go. "See?"

Buffy didn't think she could do much more than squeak out and answer so she just nodded. "Good. Give it a spin."

Buffy checked her goggles and went to work. After a couple of minutes, and a few quick pointers, she finished. Xander looked it over and nodded. "Very good. So, how does it feel to help build something?"

"It feels good," she admitted. "Much better than breaking things." Her smile lit up the room, and soon Xander's matched it.

"Did I haveta come?" Dawn whined as they made their way up the stairs.

"Yes. Anya invited both of us."

"But I look like a dork," Dawn said as she pulled on her black evening gown.

"Just pretend its dress up," Buffy said. She was enjoying her chance to wear her emerald green dress. It was nice to wear something that didn't have vampire dust in it. "Besides. Its what everyone wears to a Classical music concert."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "That's what I'm saying. We might as well wear something comfortable if we're just going to fall asleep."

"Oh, hush." They reached the room at the top of the stairs and walked in. There were seats for about ten, but the only person there was Anya.

Anya looked back and grinned. "Buffy, Dawn! I thought there was another Scooby emergency."

"No, just a whiny little sister emergency," Buffy said and ignored Dawn when she stuck her tongue out. She looked over Anya's pure white gown. "You look like a…" princesses, "You look nice."

"Thank you. You look very pleasing too. Now, sit down, the shows about to start." Buffy sat down next to Anya, while Dawn sat down in the back row in a huff. "What's wrong with Dawn?" Anya asked.

"I think she's afraid of getting culture on her. It might force out Britney Spears."

"I heard that," Dawn said.

"Good," Buffy called back. Then she turned back to Anya. "How could you afford box seats?"

"Last summer Giles and I helped exorcise the hall and the owner offered this as a reward. Giles tried to say we couldn't except payment, but I put a stop to that idea." Buffy cut off a laugh, then heard something clanking up at the stage and the lights dimmed. "Oh, they're starting."

Dawn lasted exactly fifteen minutes before she started snoring, but she wasn't anywhere near as loud a Cordelia so Buffy left her alone. Besides there were a few times that Buffy wanted to join her sister.

Then Anya put her hand on Buffy's knee and leaned over. "You'll love this one," she promised. Buffy barely heard her, all she felt was Anya's hand. Then the music started, piano only and so soft that Buffy had to strain to hear it's gentle rhythms.

By the time the song ended there were tears in her eyes and she was standing right next to Anya clapping like mad. "That was beautiful," Buffy said when they finally sat back down. "What was it?"

"Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. It's my favorite song," Anya said. "He's the only man I ever refused to curse."

"Who would want to curse anyone who could create that?"

"One of his flings. She thought that he loved his music more than he loved her. I took one look at her and said I could see why."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. D'Hoffryn was going to kill me when he found out. Then I made him listen to a concerta and he never brought it up again." Then, out of nowhere, Anya pulled Buffy into a hug. "I'm glad you came. You're the first person I've ever been able to talk into doing it."

"So am I," Buffy said as she relished in the embrace. Then Anya pulled away and Buffy couldn't resist. "You mean Xander won't listen to Classical music."

Anya giggled and shook her head. "He'd said he'd sooner chew his own leg off. So I'm glad you're here. Now we have something to share."

More than you think, Buffy thought as the intermission ended.

Things like this went on for weeks as Xander and Anya went out of their way to include Buffy in their lives. That was the best part of it was she spent almost all of her time with her two best friends. The worst part was that it was getting harder to hide what she felt.

Spike was the first one to notice.

"Come share in the joy of our groove thing," Anya said and held her hand out to Buffy.

"Yeah, come on, Buffy," Xander added. "The dance floor's dull without you."

Buffy barely heard them over the sound of her own heart beating. "No thanks, guys. I think I'm going to sit this one out."

"Oh," they both said together. "Well, we'll be waiting for you if you change your mind," Xander added. "What about you, Will?"

Willow grinned at her old friend and took his hand. "Sure. I've got to show Amy what she's missing."

Buffy smiled as she watched the three of them walk onto the dance floor. Finally she turned and went up the steps to the balcony. For some reason the dark up there was calling to her tonight, or maybe she just needed some distance. She leaned on the rail and watched her three friends dance. After a few seconds all she saw was Xander and Anya. "They're so perfect together. I'm just screwing it all up."

"Slayer?" She turned and saw Spike standing behind her. "What're you doing up here? I mean besides talking to yourself. I thought you'd be down there with the other two musketeers."

"Xander and Willow?"

"Trade Willow for Anya," he said and leaned on the railing next to her. "You have a falling out?"

"No. I just needed some room."

"That's not what Tara says."

"And how does Tara know?"

"She is their roommate," Spike pointed out. "And from what she tells me, you might as well be one, too."

"I'm not there that much," Buffy protested weakly.

"Yeah. And I'm not a bloody evil vampire."

"Big talk from someone who hasn't tried to stab us in the back in a year. You're loosing you're touch, Spike."

"Take that back," Spike growled and slipped into his game face.

"Make me," Buffy said with a grin. Spike glared at her, then sighed and let his face go back to normal. Buffy saw the perfect chance to twist the knife and took it. "And how do you hear what Tara says?"

Spike got flustered and spewed out a few meaningless phrases before he calmed down. "We're buds now. Two broken hearts."

"Looks like you're healing pretty well."

"Yeah, well. Red doesn't know what she lost."

"I think she does."

"Maybe. But I think she's adjusted," Spike said and nodded down at the dance floor. Buffy looked down and saw Willow run across the dance floor to Amy, who had dyed her hair blonde again sometime since Buffy had seen her last.

"They're just friends…" Buffy began until she saw the two wiccans kiss. "Oh."

"Yeah. If you were home a little more often you might have noticed."

"And how did you find out?"

"Me and Tara were dropping Dawn off one night and heard them. It almost killed Tara, and I almost killed them for doing that."

"Tara was the one who ended it."

"Yeah. After Willow used her brain as a bloody piano."

"I know." She watched Xander and Anya go to join the two witches.

"So which one is it, luv?"

"What?"

"Which one gets you're heart all aflutter," Spike said with a knowing grin. Then it broke and changed to a look of horror. "And you better not say Droopy either."

"If you call him that again I'll…"

"You'll what?"

"I'll tell Tara about how you play poker for kittens."

"Bloody hell," Spike winced. "You know she'd skin me." Buffy just smiled at him, but Spike refused to let her off the hook. "So which one? And if it's Anya, can I watch? I'll be quiet and everything."

"You're disgusting," Buffy said and started to walk away.

But Spike blocked her way. "One of my finest traits. Now which is it? Dro… Xander or Anya? Wha'ts wrong, can't decide..." Buffy looked away. And his brain froze. When he finally came to he shook his head. "Bloody hell, you do hate to do anything easy, don't you."

"Sure seems that way," Buffy said.

"Bloody hell," Spike repeated under his breath. "I think you should talk to Tara," he said finally.

"What, why? So you could have a good laugh?"

"Naw. Well, yeah," Spike smirked. "But that's not all. She said she figured out why I was able to hit you a few months back."

"You told her?"

"Call me curious."

Buffy thought for a minute about what could have changed when it dawned on her. "You were right, I came back wrong."

Spike winced. "I didn't mean that, Slayer. Well, not completely. I just wanted to get under your skin."

But Buffy wasn't paying any attention. "Do you know where she is?"

"Yeah. She was doing research at our… my crypt." Spike's attempt to cover failed miserably.

"Our?"

"Hell, I have a right to an unlife too."

"Treat her right, Spike. Or else you're going to have a witch and a slayer hunting you down."

"I will," Spike promised. Buffy looked in his eyes and nodded, then started to walk down the stairs. When she was half way down she heard Spike call her name. She looked up and saw him standing at the top of the stairs. "Do you think that the two of us…"

Buffy knew what he wanted to know and shook her head. "No. We wouldn't work out. I think… I think that we spend too much time in the night. We need some light in our lives."

Spike didn't look happy, but in the end he nodded. "You're probably right, Slay… Buffy. Just as well then. Good luck," he said and vanished into the shadows.

"And he said he didn't learn anything from Angel," Buffy said. She shook her head and went back downstairs and got her purse, but before she was stopped before she got to the door. "Leaving so soon, Buff?" Xander asked.

"Is it time for patrolling? We could go with you," Anya offered.

"Nope. Patrol free tonight. Just thought I'd visit Tara cause Dawn's spending the night with her friend. You two go have fun."

"Won't be the same without you," Xander said, and Buffy could swear she saw something in his eyes… No, must be wishful thinking.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow?" Anya asked.

"Yup, bright and early…" Buffy began when Anya pulled her into a completely unexpected hug, and then jumped away.

Xander put his arm over Anya's shoulder. "Just give us a call if you need anything."

"I will," Buffy promised. She stood there and watched the two of them walk back to the dance floor and join up with Willow and Amy. It was getting harder to leave, but she had to know what happened to her when she came back from heaven before she destroyed three lives.

"Wow," Buffy said as she walked into Spike's crypt. It was actually clean and had flowers, a couple of couches and an honest to God kitchen table.

"Back so early, Spi…" Tara began with a sly grin and looked up from the dusty book she was reading. When she saw Buffy standing there she jumped to her feet and almost knocked over the stack of books that was piled in front of her. "Buffy? I… I didn't… I thought… Spike just had a book I needed and…"

"Tara, breath." Buffy finally cut her off. Tara nodded and took a deep breath. Then she took another, and another. "I think that's enough. I know about you and Spike."

"You do?"

"Yup. I ran into Spike at the Bronze and pried it out of him."

"You didn't hurt him, did you?" Tara's face was blank when she asked the question.

It was a rather worrisome blankness, especially on a witch, so Buffy answered truthfully. "Nope. All his parts are still connected."

"Oh, good," Tara said and giggled. "What can I do for you?"

"Spike told me that you figured out why he could hit me."

"Oh, yeah. I just figured it out and I was going…"

"I came back wrong, didn't I?"

"Wrong?"

Buffy walked over to one of the new couches and sank down into it. "I knew it. It's the only thing that could explain…"

"You're fine Buffy," Tara said.

"But why can Spike hit me? And why do I feel like I do?"

Tara pulled her chair over and sat down in front of Buffy. "I said you came back fine, but there was a change. All the energy that Willow used to bring you back supercharged your body. It gave you a kind of… mystical tan that was probably enough to confuse the sensors or whatever that Spike's chip uses."

"But…"

"It's even wearing off. Give it a couple more months and everything will be back to normal. Not that I think Spike'll actually try to hurt you or anything," Tara added quickly. Then she went on. "And as for what you're feeling. It's love Buffy. I can see it in you're aura. You're in love."

Buffy rubbed her arms to warm up. "It can't be. It's not possible."

"Sure it is. Xander's been in love with you for years."

"It's not…"

"Then you and Anya have a lot in common too. You're both kind of outsiders, its only natural." Buffy only looked more miserable, so Tara grinned and put her hand on her shoulder. "If you're looking for someone to throw stones you came to the wrong Wicca. Although your timing could be better. You should tell them or it'll haunt you forever."

"I can't."

"Sure you can, honey. You spend enough time with them and…"

"I can't tell them because I love them both!" Buffy jumped to her feet and started pacing the crypt as she ranted. "I want them both. Xander's so warm and down to earth and caring. And Anya's the only one who understands what I'm going through - at least the only one with a pulse. And they're always there when I need them and… Tara?"

Tara sat in her chair, her eyes still locked on the spot that Buffy was sitting in a few moments ago. Buffy leaned down and waved her hands over Tara's glazed over eyes, but the witch didn't blink. "Oh, God. I broke Tara. Spike and Willow are going to kill me," Buffy moaned as she collapsed onto the couch.

"Oh," Tara whispered after a few minutes. "Oh."

"Tara? Can you hear me? Follow the sound of my voice," Buffy ordered and leaned forward, almost willing Tara to wake up.

Then Tara jerked and blinked a few times. "Oh."

"I think we've covered that."

"I don't know… You have to tell them Buffy."

"I can't. Heck I almost broke you and you aren't even involved. It'll probably kill them. Better to keep this to myself."

"But."

"No," Buffy cut her off. "I'm not going to ruin their wedding. Anya and I have been working on it for months and it's going to be perfect."

"Are you sure they don't feel the same way?"

Buffy thought back to the numerous hugs, the way they always wanted her around, the times she's caught both of them watching her out of the corners of their eyes. "They don't."

"Are you sure? I mean, your history with secrets hasn't exactly been the best."

"I'm sure. You and Spike can't tell anyone. Promise?"

Tara's face twisted as she thought it over. Finally she nodded. "All right, I promise."

"Good," Buffy said and finally looked around the crypt. "This place looks a heck of a lot better now. I take it you did most of it?"

"Of course," Tara said as she pushed a stray lock of hair away. "You could follow the footprints in the dust a few weeks ago. But if you think this is nice you should see downstairs."

"I have. Isn't that Spike's bedroom?" Buffy smirked while Tara blushed and tried to stammer out an explanation.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The last few weeks to the wedding past like a whirlwind. For once her birthday passed without demonic incident. Dawn gave her a bunch of classical CD's, but only after Buffy promised not to play them while she, or even worse her friends were in the house. Buffy almost slipped was when Xander and Anya gave her a beautiful new weapons trunk with cd holder. Fortunately she caught herself in time and only gave Anya a kiss on the cheek. It took her a week before she convinced herself that Anya didn't look disappointed.

Finally it was the day of the wedding.

"You're going to drive yourself crazy if you don't tell them," Tara told her as they made their way down one of the side halls of the lodge.

"I can't. I won't ruin their wedding. And once today's done I'll force myself to move on."

"That hasn't worked so far," Tara warned. "And what if something happens?"

"Nothings going to stop this wedding," Buffy swore. Then she stopped and tilted her head. "Do you hear someone… laughing?"

Tara listened, then pointed at the air duct. "Must be from the next room."

"Good. Now lets go see the happy couple," Buffy said and marched onward. Tara followed her and pretended not to notice how Buffy needed to take a few deep breaths before she walked into Anya's dressing room.

Anya was standing on a small box while Willow buttoned the back of her dress. "Buffy!" Anya said and somehow managed to glow even through the mask and the hair curlers. "How do I look?" She asked and spun around.

"Hey?" Willow protested as the back of Anya's gown slipped out of her fingers. "Not done back here, yet."

"Oh, sorry," Anya said and went back into position.

"Do you need a hand?" Tara asked.

"Thanks," Willow said. Tara smiled and held the back of Anya's gown closed so Willow could finish with the buttons.

"Well?" Anya asked again and tilted her head to one side.

"You look…" Like an angel. A real one. "Beautiful," Buffy finished. "Willow's going to have to hold Xander up when he sees you come down the aisle."

"Thank you," Anya said and took a step off the box so she could hug Buffy

"Hey!" Willow protested again, but Tara put her hand on Willow's and shook her head. Willow questioned her ex with a look, but Tara just shrugged and watched Buffy's face as at least a dozen emotions raced through it.

Anya ignored Willow and continued. "I'm glad that you're my maid of honor. It means a lot to me and Xander that you're going to be there with us."

"Where else would I be when my two best friends are getting married?" The knots she'd felt for the last month almost went away as that old feeling of home returned. She wanted to tell Anya, tell both of them. But what she felt was wrong and she knew it. So she pulled herself out of Anya's arms.

She didn't hear Willow's annoyed huff when Buffy called Anya her best friend, but Tara did. The look she gave Willow made the red head shrink away.

"I'm going to check on Xander," Buffy said and wiped at some imaginary speck on her gown so she wouldn't have to look Anya in the eyes. She knew what the ex-demon would see in them.

"If you see Amy could you send her by?" Willow asked sweetly while she glared at Tara.

"Tell Spike the same thing," Tara retaliated.

"Sure will," Buffy said as she rushed out of the room. "And I thought I had problems."

The last thing she heard as she closed the door was Anya saying, "Don't make me separate you two. I still need help with my vows."

Buffy just shook her head and walked down the hall to Xander's room. She knocked once before she walked in. Amy was standing behind Xander, with her hands out of sight, and they both looked red. Buffy almost assumed the worst, which would have been very bad for a certain recently cheese loving witch. Then she heard what Amy was saying.

"If you'd just let me use a spell," Amy said.

"No! No magic! We have enough trouble on special days as it is."

"Then we're going to need… Buffy!" Amy grinned when she saw Buffy standing in the door. "I think we have a Slayer emergency."

"Demon?" Buffy asked and looked around.

"No, cummerbund," Amy said and held up the offending piece of black material. "Please tell me you can help."

"Sure, Slayer strength to the rescue. Oh, and Willow wanted to see you. She's in helping Anya." Buffy said as she took Amy's place behind Xander. Amy nodded and walked to the door, leaving Buffy to her task.

Buffy pulled on the fabric, but to no avail and Xander started to panic. "This is no good, Buffy. People will be able to see where my shirt and pants meet! I need to wear das Cummerbund!"

"And so you shall." Buffy pulled harder and finally managed to hook the offending fabric together. "There."

Xander grinned and tried to take a deep breath, but he couldn't. "That's okay. I've been meaning to kick the oxygen habit anyway. So how do I look?"

Buffy watched him turn around and fought down the same urge that she had with Anya. "You look like you're ready to get married. You and Anya are so lucky."

Xander grinned. "You want to get lucky? I've still got fifteen minutes." Buffy's smile froze as she considered how close she was too him and how easy it would be too… And Anya's room was just a few feet down the hall… Then she noticed Xander waving his hand in front of her eyes. "Didn't mean to startle you, Buff. It was just a joke. Unless you…"

"No!" Buffy said much to fast and knew she was blowing it. How could the two of them make all this so hard? "I know… I should go check on your parents."

Xander nodded and turned back to the mirror. "Good idea. Make sure my dad hasn't bribed the bartender yet."

"I will," Buffy promised and walked out the door. Once it was safely closed she leaned against the wall and covered her eyes. "I will not cry, I will not cry."

"Problems?"

Buffy almost jumped out of her skin and quickly wiped away the few tears that had ignored her. "Tara? No, no problems. I… I thought you were helping Anya."

"I was until that witch walked in," Tara muttered and grimaced when she realized what she said. "You know what I mean."

"Amy's a good person."

"She's reckless. I mean, who else would jump right back into magic after spending three years as a rat? She's the last thing Willow needs."

Buffy nodded. Everything Tara said made sense and was, to a certain degree true, but she knew that Tara didn't really care what Amy had done. "Willow's a big girl. She has to live her own life."

"I know," Tara muttered and sighed as she slumped against the wall next to Buffy. "I'm just worried about her."

"I still worry about Angel," Buffy admitted. "I don't think you ever stop worrying about the people you love. But she's moved on, and so have you."

"I know," Tara said and lightly banged the back of her head against the wall a few times, just to relieve the tension. Then she looked down at Buffy. "So, problems?"

Buffy sighed and pushed off the wall. "I think I should go. I'm endangering the wedding." She heard Tara start giggling. "What?"

"You're quoting Star Wars. You've got it bad. The only thing that would be worse is if you knew how much this wedding cost."

"Four thousand six hundred and thirty four dollars," Buffy said without thinking. Tara just looked smug and Buffy gave up. "All right, I've got it bad."

"You still have ten minutes."

"No," Buffy said firmly. "They're going to get married and go on their honeymoon. Hopefully my hangover will be gone by the time they get back."

"You've spent too much time with Spike."

"Look who's talking."

Tara threw up her hands. "All right. If you want to make yourself miserable, fine. I just hope you know what you're doing."

"So do I."

Then Xander walked out of the room and clapped his hands together. "Come on, let's get this puppy started."

"I can't believe Xander would just run out on Anya like that," Dawn said. It was the first words any had spoken since they got home from the busted up wedding.

The room was crowded, with Amy and Willow on the love seat. Tara and Dawn were sitting on the couch. Dawn was hugging herself so tightly it looked like she was trying to disappear while Tara watched Buffy pace around the room like a caged animal. They'd all changed out of the almost radioactive bridesmaid gowns that Buffy had tried so hard to talk Anya out of.

"A part of me feels like I should hate Xander," Willow said and Buffy felt her stomach tighten because a small part of her agreed. How could he hurt the woman that t… he loved? Then redhead added, "But I can't, because he's Xander." And the knots in Buffy's stomach got worse, because she knew he had to have a very good reason for what he did. .

"I hope he's all right," Dawn said and looked down at her purple socks.

"I'm sure he is, honey," Tara said. "He… He knows how to take care of himself."

"Anya's the one I feel sorry for. She looked so broken when she walked down the aisle alone," Amy said with a sniffle, "It's a good thing you got her out of there, Buffy."

"I just wish that they didn't go off alone. We should be helping them," Buffy said as she went to the window and stared out into the black night.

"I think that they both need some time alone," Willow said.

"We're supposed to be their friends. They shouldn't be alone," Buffy snapped.

"I… I think Buffy's right," Tara said as she stood up and walked beside Buffy.

Buffy smiled at the blond witch and gave her a hug. "Thanks. Why don't we go after Anya while you two try to find Xander."

Willow didn't look convinced, but she still had her laptop open in under a minute. "It's going to take a while to find him, especially if he paid with cash."

"Wouldn't he just go stay with his parents?" Amy asked.

Willow arched her eyebrow. "I think his parents did enough all ready, don't you?"

Amy thought it over and nodded and walked over to the chest that she and Willow used to hold their magic supplies. "I could try a locator spell."

Then Dawn spoke up. "This might sound stupid, but did anyone actually see Halifreck and D'Hoffryn go back to wherever they came from after the wedding?"

"Buffy!" Tara shouted as she ran after the Slayer. It wasn't a fair race, not only was Tara wearing a long green skirt that kept trying to trip her, but Buffy had the extra advantage of Slayer speed. "Buffy!" Tara shouted again, more out of frustration than the idea that the other girl might actually stop. But Buffy surprised her and stopped at the street corner the led to Xander and Anya's apartment building.

Tara was gasping for breath when she caught up. "We don't know that D'Hoffryn's with her."

"Maybe not, but I have a bad feeling," Buffy said as she looked up street and she felt her stomach fall. "All the lights are off."

Tara looked up and made a gulping noise. "Maybe she went to bed."

"I don't think so," Buffy said as she started running again, but this time Tara managed to catch the Slayer before she got to far.

"Are you sure that this doesn't have anything to do with…" Tara's voice gave out and she blushed a bright red before she turned away.

"No. I'm just…"

"You don't have to lie to me, Buffy."

Buffy closed her eyes and nodded. "I just want to find her before D'Hoffryn takes her away."

"She might tell him no."

Buffy shook her head and actually felt the beginning of tears. "Xander ripped her heart out. I know he had to have had a good reason, but he was her life. God, I should have told her. Then maybe…" The sentence died out as Buffy started running again. This time Tara didn't try to stop her.

"Anya?" Buffy called out into the empty apartment as she opened the door. She slipped her keys back into her purse and walked inside. "It's me and Tara, Anya. Please, we just want to talk." But there was no answer.

Tara followed Buffy inside and looked around the apartment while Buffy went to check in the bedroom. "She might have stopped at a bar or something."

"No, Anya doesn't drink. She said it gave her bad memories," Buffy replied without thinking about it. When she walked back into the living room it was all she could do not to cry. "Her suitcase is gone."

Tara wanted to offer up some hope, but she couldn't, not after what she found in the living room. There was a circle burned into the ground. She didn't say a word as Buffy walked up and looked down at the closed portal. "I'm so sorry, Buffy. W… we can still find Xander. He's going to need you…"

Buffy shook her head. "No. I'm not giving up that easy. Can you send me after her?"

"I don't think…"

"No, no thinking. Thinking bad. Thinking's what got me into this to begin with. Can you do it?"

Buffy saw the indecision in Tara's eyes and knew that Tara could do it, but she might not admit to it. "Please, Tara. I need them both."

Finally Tara nodded. "All right. Stand in the middle of the circle."

"…It's time you went back to being what you were always meant to be," D'Hoffryn said.

Anya looked up at her old boss and saw her chance to get back at Xander for what he had done to her. The old urge to vengeance flowed through her like a fire. "My amulet…"

"Is right here," D'Hoffryn said and true to his word the amulet appeared in his hand. "All you have to do is take it."

Anya's hand shook as she reached out to the source of her power. Her finger brushed against the delicate gold chain and she felt the power of the Wish dancing through it. "All right," Anya said, but before she could take back what used to be hers there was a crackle of energy.

"What are you doing here, Slayer?" Halifreck asked, her hands on her hips, as she tried to block Buffy's path to Anya.

"I'm not here to talk to you, that's for sure," Buffy said and shoved Hali out of the way.

"You do not belong in this world, Slayer," D'Hoffryn's voice boomed through the dark dimension that was his home.

"I came for my friend. Just let me get her and I'll go," Buffy said. Anya looked up at Buffy, then her eyes went back to the necklace. "Please, Anya. You don't have to do this."

Anya shook her head. "Of course I do. I don't have anything left back there."

Buffy saw the anger and sadness on Anya's face and wondered how things could explode so quickly, and maybe she should just turn around and go home. But she could have done that to me at the Bronze. And where would I be now? At that moment she knew she wouldn't leave this dimension without Anya. "You have me."

Anya glanced at Buffy just long enough for Buffy to see the hope in her eyes, then it went away and she shook her head. "You just hung around with me because you wanted Xander. Well, go get him. I won't stop you."

"No," Buffy said and knelt down in front of Anya. "I hung around with you to be with you. I need… I love you, both of you."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe this," Buffy said and caught Anya's mouth with hers. Anya started to pull away in shock. Then she just closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Buffy's shoulders. They stayed like that for a long moment until Buffy broke away and kissed both of Anya's cheeks and tasted the tears, and finally rested her forehead against Anya's, all without opening her eyes. "Believe me now?"

Anya giggled from the tension and kissed Buffy again. "Oh yes. You're a very good kisser."

Buffy pulled away just long enough to say, "Thank Riley."

"Oh, my God!" Halifrek all but shrieked as she watched the two women.

D'Hoffryn just shook his head. "Oh, stop being so 19th century Hali. And Anya…" But neither Anya nor Buffy looked up. "Anya… ANYA!" Lightening flashed and the sky sounded like it was tearing itself apart when he said her name the third time.

It was just enough to get their attention. Anya broke away from Buffy and glared at her old boss. "What?"

"I assume that you don't want this back," D'Hoffryn said as he held out her amulet. Anya looked at it.

"It's tempting," Anya admitted. "But no."

"Then I wish the two of you all the luck in the world. You'll need it from what I've seen." With that D'Hoffyrn waved his arms and Buffy and Anya vanished from his realm.

"You always liked her better," Hali muttered. D'Hoffryn just sighed and walked away.

"Ah!" Tara screamed and jumped backwards as Buffy and Anya reappeared in a flash of light and brimstone. She grinned when she saw Buffy's arms wrapped around Anya. "You told her?"

"Yup. Now all we have to do is find Xander and knock some sense into him." Anya pulled out of Buffy's arms. "Ahn? What's wrong?"

"Do we have to find him?" Anya asked, sounding very much like a little girl.

"Don't you want to?" Tara asked Anya.

Anya backed away to the window. "Can't it just be you and me, Buffy?"

Buffy looked over at Tara, but Tara didn't do anything. "Yes. I told you I love you. But I love Xander too. Just like you do."

"You don't understand."

Buffy walked up behind Anya and wrapped her hands over Anya's stomach. "So tell me."

Anya didn't answer right away, she just watched the streetlights burning against the endless night. "He taught me what love is, and I thought he loved me too. How could he do this to me if he loved me?"

Anya didn't sob, she didn't even shake, but somehow Buffy knew she was crying. "I don't know. I don't know how he could do this. But I know him, and he wouldn't do this without a damned good reason."

"I think it had something to do with what that old man showed him," Tara added from where she was waiting.

"But the visions were all fake," Anya protested.

"Maybe," Buffy said. "But the demon made them out of what Xander was already terrified of. I think we should go see what that was." Even as she said it she knew. The Xander Harris she knew wouldn't have left Anya at the altar just because of a prophecy. He made a habit of breaking those. The only reason he would run was if he was the one who was dangerous. "Please?"

Anya lowered her head and nodded. "All right. But only for…"

"For all of us," Buffy finished firmly. Anya's head barely moved, but Buffy still saw the nod. She looked over at Tara. "Did Willow find out where he went yet?"

Tara nodded and handed over a slip of paper. "She called right after you left, but I don't recognize the address. Do you?"

Buffy looked at the slip, then crushed it in her hand as she felt a wave of past failure wash over her. "He's in the same hotel Faith stayed in."

She must have tightened her arms, because Anya turned and looked back. The twin tracks of her tears glowed in the streetlight as she wrapped her hands around Buffy's. Neither woman said anything.

Tara finally spoke up. "Do you want me to go with?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. I think we better go alone. Besides, Spike's probably wondering where you are."

Tara almost protested, but she saw the resolve in Buffy's eyes and nodded. "All right. But I want to hear the details tomorrow." With that she turned and walked to the door.

But before Tara left she heard Anya say, "But I thought I wasn't supposed to talk about my sex life," followed by Buffy's burst of laughter.

"Hectate guide them," Tara prayed under her breath.

"This is it," Buffy said as they stopped in the middle of the dirty hallway.

"Why did that man say it takes all kinds?" Anya asked as she stopped beside Buffy.

Buffy had a feeling she knew what the man meant, but she wasn't going to tell that to Anya. "He probably doesn't see many women here in a wedding dress."

"Oh."

"So, do you want to, or should I?" Buffy asked and motioned to the door. When Anya didn't answer Buffy reached out and knocked

"I didn't order any room service," Xander called out from behind the door.

Buffy wondered if he looked at beaten as he sounded. "Xander, it's Buffy. Anya and I just want to talk. Can we come in?"

Xander didn't say anything for a long time. Finally he said, "I just want some time, Buff. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Please, Xander," Anya begged. This time Xander didn't say anything. Buffy thought he was just going to try and ignore them. Then she heard the lock come off the door. She looked back and saw the fear in Anya's eyes, so Buffy took her by the hand and opened the door.

They found Xander sitting on the bed, still in his tuxedo. If he noticed that the two girls were holding hands he didn't say anything. Not that that was all that unusual in the past few months.

"Xander, we have to talk," Anya said as she walked up to her almost husband.

Xander didn't meet her eyes. "I can't Ahn. I'm sorry."

Buffy sat down next to him on the bed and put her arm around his shoulders. "What happened, Xand? Was it the visions?" Xander nodded.

"But they were fake!" Anya protested again, almost hysterically.

Buffy quieted her with a glance, and then turned back to Xander. "What did he show you?"

"You don't want to know." Xander's voice was raw and he refused to look at either of them.

Anya looked at Xander and got down on one knee in front of him. "Please, Alexander."

"You don't play fair," Xander protested as he looked into Anya's eyes.

"No, playing fair just means you loose," Anya said.

Xander almost grinned and told them everything. How marrying Anya meant Buffy died, and her death destroyed his marriage and career. He led them through all three of his horror stories until he finished with the frying pan.

When he was done both women were pale with shock. "I can't do it. When I saw that you died, Buffy, it was like someone had carved out my heart. And what I did to you…" Xander said and almost touched Anya's chin. "I couldn't let that happen. I need you… Both of you."

"You would never do that, Xander," Buffy said as she felt herself shudder. She couldn't imagine ever doing that to someone she loved.

"You aren't your father, Xander. And you never will be," Anya said as she ran her hand over his.

"I could be. That's the one thing I've always been afraid of. Now I know that if things ever get bad enough it'll happen."

"No, it won't. I know you, Xander Harris. The man I love is far too good of a person for that to ever happen." Buffy said.

Xander almost went back to moping when he realized what she said. He gave Anya a very worried glance, but there wasn't any sign of jealousy in his fiancé, just worry. "Buffy, I appreciate it, you have no idea how much, but I love Anya now and we can't…"

"Actually," Anya spoke up, "We can. I love Buffy too," she said, and just to prove it she leaned up and kissed Buffy. "And we both love you," she said and turned to kiss Xander.

Xander let himself flow away in his fiancée's arms. Then he turned and looked at Buffy. "Really?" He almost squeaked out.

"Really," Buffy answered, her voice husky. She leaned over and pulled him into a kiss. Then she pulled away and he just gazed at her. "So what do you think?"

"I think that that was everything I ever hoped for," Xander admitted.

"Thanks," Buffy said and blushed. "But I meant about the three of us."

"You mean it? The three of us…"

"In a relationship together," Buffy said firmly. "Because I need you both in my lives."

"And we need you," Anya said, happily as she pulled herself up and sat down on the other side of Xander, who was just gazing out into the distance. Anya frowned and waved her hand in his face.

Buffy sighed. "The same thing happened when I told Tara."

"You told Tara?" Anya asked in shock. Then she squinted as she thought back. "I knew she was looking at us in an odd manner." She looked back at Xander. "So how did you snap Tara out of this?"

"I think we're going to have to wait for him to wake up on his own," Buffy said.

Then Xander smiled as he realized he'd found an out. He reached out and took both girls' by the hand. "All right. If we're all sure I say let's go for it."

Neither girl answered right away. Anya stared down at the stained carpet while the both watched her. "Ahn. Are you sure you want to do this?" Xander finally asked.

Anya jerked up. "Oh yes. I just realized something, that's all."

"What?" Buffy said, but she had a hunch.

"We're going to need a much bigger bed," Anya said. Xander and Buffy both burst out laughing. Then Anya reached out and touched both of their knees. "But this one will do for now."

Xander knew what she meant and started to unbutton his shirt.

Buffy just froze and looked down at the hand on her knee while the butterflies moved from her stomach to her head. She suddenly understood why they called it cold feet because until this very moment it didn't seem real.

Anya saw this last stumbling block and slowly ran her hand up Buffy's thigh and stomach until her fingers were on Buffy's cheek. Then Anya leaned forward until they were almost nose-to-nose and Buffy could feel her hot breath. "The last steps yours. It'll break our hearts if you left right now, but you brought me and Xander back together and I'll never be able to repay that."

"People won't understand," Buffy whispered. It wasn't her real fear, but it was there. And it was the one she had been hiding behind ever since she realized she did love them both.

"To hell with society and its stupid rules. Besides, it not like they won't change. When I was human the first time this was perfectly acceptable," Anya babbled.

Buffy still wasn't sure, then she felt Xander's hand on her back. "Buffy, we aren't going anywhere."

The faces that flashed in front of her were her real fear. Angel, Parker, Riley, and even, in a small way, her parents and Giles. Everyone who had ever said they loved and left. "Promise?"

He turned her head just enough so he could kiss her lips. "Promise."

When the broke away they were both breathless. Buffy turned and saw Anya still watching her, lust clear in her eyes. "Forever?" Buffy asked and licked her lips.

"Forever," Anya agreed as Buffy closed the distance.


End file.
